Resident Assistance

from by The Natty Bros.

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Earlier in our college careers, we had multiple encounters with RA's that took their jobs way too seriously. At the same time, there were circumstances where the students were definitely on the belligerent side, and were certainly behaving in a disruptive fashion. Regardless of which side you typically find yourself on, you can most likely relate to the scene that unfolds in this improvisational skit.

lyrics

JEREMY: Alright, man, so I was like talking to this chick in my Econ. class, and dude, she totally showed up! I can't believe it.

BRICE: That's awesome, man! Talk to her!

JEREMY: Dude, I'm gonna talk to her, man. Later, I'm gonna bang that shit, man. I'm tellin' you!

BRICE: Fuck yeah, man!

JEREMY: And man, you know how we've been talkin' about tag-teamin' bitches?

BRICE: Yes.

JEREMY: Dude, this is her, man.

BRICE: Is she a slut?

JEREMY: She's totally D.T.F, I'm tellin' you.

BRICE: Fuck yeah. Oh, beer's here, beer's here!

JEREMY: Beer's here, man! Fuck yeah!

COMBINED: Oh...

MARTIN: Hi... how's it goin', guys?

JEREMY: Hey, man... goin' good, you know? Just hangin' out and partyin', right?

MARTIN: Um, it's not a big deal, guys. We understand, college students just doin' your thing, uh... can you guys just turn down the music just a little bit?

JEREMY: Oh, yeah. Of course, man, we'll get right on that.

MARTIN: Alright. Anything to add, Stefen?

JEREMY: Hey, Steve! Turn it down, man. Steve!

STEFEN: Uh, yeah you guys. Just keep the music down.

BRICE: We got it, we got it.

STEFEN: We don't want to have to come back, but...

BRICE: We want to be very courteous to our RA's.

MARTIN: We don't think we'll have to come back. Will we have to come back?

JEREMY: No, of course not. We got it, guys. Just trust me, we got it.

MARTIN: Alright, we'll see you guys in a bit.

JEREMY: See ya, guys.

STEFEN: You guys have a good night.

JEREMY: Dude, I can't believe those fuckin' RA's came, man, what the fuck?

BRICE: Fuckin' tools, man!

JEREMY: Dude, do they have like, nothing better to do? I swear, that's all they do, man.

BRICE: Probably not, man.

JEREMY: I don't understand.

BRICE: I think they just have like cameras everywhere.

JEREMY: They're just like, the fuckin' campus sheriffs or somethin', you know?

BRICE: Fuckin' douches.

JEREMY: They just come around, "you guys can't drink," and bleh bleh bleh, but whatever, fuck 'em, man.

BRICE: Fuck 'em! Look at that girl, man. I saw you talkin' to her.

JEREMY: Yeah, man. I was talkin' to her, dude, and look, she's got a boyfriend, but I'm tellin' you, man, it doesn't matter. She's gettin' drunk as shit, and dude, later, I'm tellin' you, man, when she's alone...

MARTIN: Hey, guys.

JEREMY: Hey... didn't think you guys were coming back.

MARTIN: Yeah... yeah, but we're here. Stefen, what were we here for before?

STEFEN: I don't know, I think we got like some noise complaints. You guys wouldn't happen to know anything about that...

BRICE: He turned it down, guys... two notches! Two notches!

JEREMY: It's totally lower, like... I don't get it.

MARTIN: Listen, I understand you guys like German techno porn music, but the rest of the building doesn't, so I'm gonna ask you to like calm it down...

BRICE: Don't worry about it. We've got it this time, man.

MARTIN: Tell everybody to calm it down in there...

JEREMY: Steve! I said turn it down, man, God!

BRICE: Fuckin' Steve, man. He's got some hearing problems.

JEREMY: See, you guys? Don't even worry, like in a half an hour, half an hour, thirty minutes, everyone's gonna be outta here.

STEFEN: Alright, guys, well we don't want to have to come back again, and if we do, I'm not gonna really be too happy. My partner in RA crime, he's the nice one, so... just keep it down, man, we'll see you guys later.

MARTIN: Yeah, that's right. I'm the nice one.

JEREMY: Yo bro, dude... Dude, dude, thanks.

PARTY GUY: Have you guys seen Jackass? Dude, I'm totally gonna do the butt-chug! You guys seen that?!

COMBINED: Dude! Butt-chug! Butt-chug! Butt-chug!

STEFEN: Alright! That's it! What the hell is going on here?

BRICE: Shit!

STEFEN: You! Get out!

MARTIN: Why is...

STEFEN: You! Get out!

MARTIN: Why does he have a bong in his ass?

STEFEN: Hold on, Martin, I got this. Get out! You! How old are you?

PARTY GIRL: I'm, uh...

STEFEN: Bullshit! Get out! I'm sick and tired of you guys having these parties. The music is way too loud! Stop it!

MARTIN: Yeah, guys. Yeah. If I was as angry and black as him, I'd be saying the same thing.

STEFEN: Jesus Christ! Now you guys have a good fuckin' night.

MARTIN: I'm disappointed.

BRICE: Dude, it's his party, man!

credits

from Platonic Plankton From Pluto, released April 1, 2011
Skyler Newman as Jeremy
Pratik Patel as Brice
Chris Atkins as Martin
Jason Van Slyke as Stefen
Liam Rand as Party Guy
Amalya Murrill as Party Girl

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The Natty Bros. Baltimore, Maryland

Comedy group from Baltimore, MD

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