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Office Chumps was originally entitled "Workin' Hardly Or Hardly Workin'", but was later changed during post-production. This improvisational skit was inspired by Mike Judge's hilarious comedy, Office Space, as well as our personal experiences in America's corporate workforce.

lyrics

MR. RILEY: Hey...Ssss...Ssss...

STAN: It's Stan.

MR. RILEY: Stan, Stan, I know, I'm just messin' with you. What's up, Stan? How's it goin'?

STAN: Pretty good, Mr. Riley.

MR. RILEY: Workin' hard, that's great, that's great.

STAN: Yeah.

MR. RILEY: Hey, um, I just wanted to remind you that, um, Nate's not going to be in this week cause he's on vacation, and, um, we're just really gonna have to pick up the pace around here, you know, just you know, buck up, put on the saddle, and just go to town. You know we're just going to have to do that this week, so um, I'm gonna need some real good concentration out of you, I've been keepin' an eye on ya, keepin' an eye on ya, you've been doing great.

STAN: Yeah.

MR. RILEY: I'll talk to you later.

STAN: Alright, Mr. Riley.

MR. RILEY: Thanks. I'll talk to you later. I'll talk to you.

STAN: God, I fuckin' hate that guy.

CLIVE: Hey Stan.

STAN: Hey Clive.

CLIVE: What's goin' on man, how you doin'?

STAN: Pretty good.

CLIVE: I'm doing great, thanks for asking. You know, down in the IT Dungeon, it's uh... that's what we like to call it, you know, we don't have any windows down there, you know, they may as well have torture chains and stuff, but anyways, but anyways...

STAN: Right.

CLIVE: I just wanna talk shop with you for a little bit, you know, fuckin' proverbially pick your brain, um, I got the layout for the gaming website, phenomenal by the way for a, uh, amateur coder such as yourself. Do you mind if I call you that? That's great, um, I just wanna say, uh, you left one of your tags open in the HTML. Okay... yeah.

STAN: Oh, well, that can easily be fixed right?

CLIVE: Yeah, that's why I went ahead and fixed it. Don't thank me, I just thank myself, but you know, it's alright man, don't worry about it. But anyways, I'll, uh...

MR. RILEY: Hey, uh, hey... what are you guys talking about over here? What are you guys talkin' about?

CLIVE: Hey, Mr. Riley...

MR. RILEY: What's up, Clive? What are you guys talkin' about?

STAN: Just discussin' these, uh...

MR. RILEY: Hey, uh, you guys ever worked in the food industry before?

CLIVE: No, Mr. R.

STAN: No.

MR. RILEY: They just have this adorable saying, it's called, "You got time to lean, you got time to clean." Yeah, it rhymes. Yeah, you like that.

STAN: That's clever. That's clever.

MR. RILEY: Now, I know we're not cleaning around here, cause you know, we gotta do work...

CLIVE: Yeah.

MR. RILEY: But what I'm tryin' to get at is, you gotta get to work, guys. I love the talking, I love the friendship, I love the bonding, but you know, Stan's not here this week, I'm sorry... what's your name I'm again?

STAN: I'm Stan.

MR. RILEY: Sorry, Nate's not here this week.

STAN: Yeah.

MR. RILEY: Nate's not here this week. So, Nate's not here this week, so we're really gonna have to pick it guys, we're really gonna have to pick it up, we're really gonna have to keep the flow going. Alright, Clive?

CLIVE: Yeah.

MR. RILEY: Alright buddy, you got it? Can I get a high-five? Yeah, that's right. I'll talk to you guys later.

CLIVE: See ya later, Mr. R. That guy is such a fuckin' twat.

STAN: I know.

CLIVE: But anyway, man, like I was saying, closing tags, gaming website, it's okay man, don't worry about it, we're just gonna go straight to the top, but I guess I'll just get back to the dungeon, but uh, bro, dude, later on, Starbucks, chai-tea latte. That barista's checkin' you out, man, you should go in there, let her know how you feel, she's got a huge rack, she's lookin' nice, man.

STAN: Yeah.

CLIVE: She might be underage, but, hey, you don't have a ball 'n chain. You know what I'm sayin'?

STAN: That's right, man.

CLIVE: That's right, bachelors, woo! Single and ready to mingle! Alright man, catch ya later bro.

STAN: Alright. Alright, Clive.

CLIVE: See ya.

STAN: God that guy's fuckin' retarded. Why do I even listen to him. God...

MR. RILEY: Hey... Stan.

STAN: Hey, Mr. Riley.

MR. RILEY: Hey, I was just coming to tell ya, you're workin' hard, I like it. Workin' hard...

CLIVE: Oh, hey Stan, oh, what's up Mr. R? How you doin'? You wanna go to Starbucks later? Bro? Huh?

MR. RILEY: I was actually coming over to tell you guys, later on, you remember Friday's Hawaiian shirt day, right Clive?

CLIVE: Yeah, yeah.

MR. RILEY: Alright.

CLIVE: Yeah.

MR. RILEY: Stan, have you ever been to one of our Hawaiian shirt days on Fridays?

STAN: No, I actually haven't.

MR. RILEY: Well, that's great, because Friday, I'm sorry, Wednesday, Wednesday they're having a sale at JCPenney's. Twenty percent off Hawaiian shirts. Doesn't that work well? Let's all go after work, we'll get some, some, what were you saying?

CLIVE: Starbucks.

MR. RILEY: Starbucks, we'll get some Starbucks...

CLIVE: Sounds like a date, man. Man date! Man date!

MR. RILEY: We'll get some Starbucks, then go on over to JCPenney's and get some delightfully colored Hawaiian shirts.

CLIVE: Let's do it, bro.

MR. RILEY: Isn't that great?

CLIVE: Let's do it, bro.

STAN: It's such a coincidence, isn't it? It just works out so great.

CLIVE: Yeah.

STAN: You know, we all just get to go out...

MR. RILEY: You know what they call that? They call that synergy, guys. They call that synergy.

CLIVE: Synergy, man.

MR. RILEY: That's great minds coming together.

CLIVE: Synergy, Stan.

MR. RILEY: Anyways, we're gonna have to go to the meeting, guys. We've got five minutes, so get your stuff together, you know, get your daily reports, and we're gonna have our daily meeting.

CLIVE: Alright. Alright, man.

MR. RILEY: Alright, I'll talk to you guys later.

CLIVE: See ya later, Mr. R.

MR. RILEY: I'll see you guys in a little bit.

CLIVE: Alright, take it easy.

CLIVE: Guy's a queer.

STAN: Jesus fucking Christ.

credits

from Platonic Plankton From Pluto, released April 1, 2011
Chris Atkins as Mr. Riley
Skyler Newman as Stan
Jason Van Slyke as Clive

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The Natty Bros. Baltimore, Maryland

Comedy group from Baltimore, MD

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