Jack Bauer's Revenge

from by The Natty Bros.

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We are big fans of over the top, ridiculous action plots, and 24 is jam-packed with plenty of them. Jack Bauer is a pretty off-the-wall kind of guy, so we figured it'd be fun to see how Jack would react to problems in everyday life. In other words, if you ever have to serve Jack Bauer coffee, make sure it's hot.


JACK: The following takes place between 10:00 AM and 11:00 AM on the day of the California Presidential Primary.

BRAD: Hey there! Welcome to Starbucks. Would you like to try a new tutti-fruiti mocha latte cinnamon rum cappuccino? It's only $8.95 and we can add ice cream for an extra fifty cents.

JACK: No, no thanks. I was actually here this morning. I think you're the one who served me. I was buying coffee for my friends over at C.T.U., you know, I'm Jack Bauer.


JACK: And uh, I'm not really upset, but the coffee wasn't hot, so I'd like to speak to a manager. I don't want to get you in trouble, I just want to talk to the manager.

BRAD: Well, I'm really sorry to hear that, sir.

JACK: It's okay, it's okay.

BRAD: I'll get the manager right away.

JACK: Alright.

BRAD: Dale! Dale!

DALE: Yes, Brad?

BRAD: There seems to be a customer here, he's kind of upset, and I think he'd like to talk to you.

DALE: What seems to be the problem over here, sir?

JACK: Yeah, hey, how you doin'? Jack Bauer, I work over at C.T.U.

DALE: Oh, Jack Bauer. You were in here this morning, weren't you?

JACK: Yeah.

DALE: How's that coffee?

JACK: It...

DALE: Splendid, wasn't it?

JACK: No, it was actually really bad. You know, it wasn't hot, and I'd like to be reimbursed for it, truthfully.

DALE: Ah, that's a shame. You didn't think it was hot?

JACK: No, it wasn't hot. I don't think it wasn't hot, it was not hot.

DALE: Aw, that's too bad, because I made that coffee myself, and I put a little bit of love in every little bit of coffee I make.

JACK: Well, I'm sorry. You're just going to have to give me some free coffee.

DALE: Sir, I'm not going to give you a free coffee.

JACK: Dale, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Which one do you want to do it?

DALE: I don't see any way.

JACK: Alright, that's it.

DALE: Ah! Oh, you fucking shot me! What the fuck is your problem?!

JACK: You think that feels good?! Damn it Audrey, what's your problem? Now go make me some coffee!

BRAD: Oh my God, Mr. Peterson, what happened? Oh God!

DALE: He shot me, make him a coffee...

JACK: You gonna make that coffee, kid?

BRAD: Oh God!

DALE: Oh, I'm bleeding all over the floor...

JACK: Alright, outstanding marines! Out-fucking-standing!


from Platonic Plankton From Pluto, released April 1, 2011
Jason Van Slyke as Jack Bauer
Skyler Newman as Brad
Chris Atkins as Dale




The Natty Bros. Baltimore, Maryland

Comedy group from Baltimore, MD

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