Dungeons & Dragonites

from by The Natty Bros.

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None of us have anything against D&D, we just like to make fun of the ridiculous stereotypes associated with it. When we first wrote this script, we wrote it purely at face value, but when we look back on it now, we see it clearly as a metaphor for two guys trying to get their friend laid.

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DM: Mom, put in more pizza bagels! Alright. Elias The Bold, where were we.

ELIAS: Yes, Dungeon Master?

DM: Alright, let's see. You're walking through the catacombs of Vordok, and you encounter the Maiden of Despair.

ELIAS: No! Sire, please. Anything but the Maiden!

DM: My word is law. Roll the dice, knave.

ELIAS: Alright, I'll roll a six for Mantra Magic.

ELIAS: Yes, it was six!

DM: You can't do that!

CURTIS: Elias, you don't have enough EXP.

DM: Thank you, Curtis The Conqueror. Now, where was I. Oh yes, the Maiden. She lures you into her lair, the Tomb of Desolation, and…

ELIAS: Wait, wait, I thought we were in the--

DM: Silence, peon! Where was I.

ELIAS: The Tomb?

DM: Yes.

CURTIS: Jesus Christ.

DM: What do you think Elias needs to do, Curtis?

CURTIS: Well, he should have equipped the Staff of Brilliance, which gives you plus nine charisma.

ELIAS: Wait, what's that?

DM: Seven of nine!

CURTIS: Isn't is obvious? You must swoon her. She is the Maiden.

ELIAS: You mean talk to her? Am I supposed to talk to her?

DM: Yes, yes.

CURTIS: You're ready, Elias. I have faith in you.

ELIAS: Ok, I drink from the Chalice of Courage.

CURTIS: I'm putting up a shield. Elias, make your move.

ELIAS: Do you want to come back to my room and watch The Wrath of Khan on Blu-Ray?

DM: Well done, good sir.

CURTIS: You've conquered her.

DM: Well done.

CURTIS: You may join our guild.

ELIAS: Yes!

credits

from Platonic Plankton From Pluto, released April 1, 2011
Chris Atkins as Dungeon Master
Jason Van Slyke as Elias The Bold
Skyler Newman as Curtis The Conqueror

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The Natty Bros. Baltimore, Maryland

Comedy group from Baltimore, MD

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